Hello, my name is Wenzhao.

It's on the attendance sheet.
Seriously.
What, you thought you were the only one with a horribly inconvenient legal name? No. Not a chance. I take the cake. At least people THINK they can pronounce. On the first day of school, depending on what kind of teacher it is, the conversation goes a little like the following examples.

Example One: The Quitter
TEACHER - ...Francisco Yang.
CISCO - Here.
TEACHER - Wen...Wen...ahem, last name Zhang?
ME - Uh, here. And it's pronounced Wenzhao. Like, um, when-zow. Or when-joww. The proper pronunciation is when-joww, but--
TEACHER - Kevin Zhuang?
KEVIN - Here.

Example Two: The Stereotyper
TEACHER - ...Francisco Yang.
CISCO - Here.
TEACHER - Uh...alright, you've gotta help me here. Wenadhfjahrewiuljfhnidsd.
CLASS - ...Who the crap is that?...Oh my god, are they some kind of freak from Poland?...I hope they're not anywhere around me...
ME - [sheepishly] Um, yeah, that's me.
TEACHER - That's lovely. Do--you--speak--Eeeeenglish?
ME - ...
TEACHER - Kevin Zhuang?
KEVIN - Here.

Example Three: The Rambler
TEACHER - ...Francisco Yang.
CISCO - Here.
TEACHER - Oh. Oh, um...
ME - I think that's me...the W name?
TEACHER - Oh, yes! What ethnicity are you?
ME - Uh, um, Chinese.
TEACHER - That's wonderful! My son lives in China. Beijing, in fact. Were you born in China?
ME - Um. Yeah. Beijing.
TEACHER - Lovely! You know, my son's wife is Chinese. She was born in Guangzhou. Beautiful place, though a bit crowded. Of course, they live in Beijing now. He's a landscape photographer, darling occupation. She's...well, she sells purses on the street. Not exactly the best upbringing, but it...
ME - [thinking] "Beautiful place, though a bit crowded"? No duh. I mean, it's China; we spawn babies every Friday. And then get rid of the previously made babies by sending them to orphanages. We're a motherfreaking baby factory. Is she still talking? Oh my god, it's been half an hour. Might as well doodle on my notebook. La di da di da...TURD! She's looking at me. What...what did she say?! Um...uh...uh huh.
TEACHER - I asked where your grandparents reside.
ME - Oh.
TEACHER - Kevin Zhuang?
KEVIN - Here. Wait, why am I saying "here" over and over for this stupid blog post? Seriously, Michelle, quit it out.
CISCO - I know! Why use me and Kevin anyways? Can't you use, uh, that weird kid in your old gym class!
TRISTAN YANEZ - Hey!
KEVIN - Jesus, I'm sick of the word "here" now. Thanks a lot, third grader.
KEVIN XIE (the creator of my very oh-so-creative nickname, "third grader") - Hehe. He.

Alright, so maybe some of that didn't happen. But it does in my mind.
That just makes me sound schizo.
I'm not.
Just a little.

DAM IT FIRST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL-ATTENDANCE ALL,
BEAVER